BFC Around the Holidays

Part 2: Connecting themes of the season to Circle discussions

 

As 2019 comes to a close, we reflect on some relevant end-of-year themes. In November, we held a conversation with BFC hosts in which we gathered and shared topics and conversation prompts that could be folded into Ben Franklin Circle discussions this time of year. 

 

Theme:

Expectations: Take a look at all the things we do this time of year out of expectation, habit, or notions of etiquette. Invite some discussion or questioning of those habits, where do people value those practices, where is there space for change? We found ourselves thinking about order, moderation, tranquility, & sincerity.

Sample discussion questions:

  1. How do you prepare for this time of year or any specific gatherings?
  2. Are there places in your interactions around winter holidays where you are simply going through the motions? Is there one way to invite some change?
  3. What voice do you want guiding your choices and daily life and experiences?
  4. Is there something that comes up for you this time of year that you find difficult to engage with? How have you been avoiding it? What do you want to do instead?

 

Theme:

Celebration and tradition: People usually enjoy talking about how they celebrate and asking people to talk about cultural or family traditions can be a great way to learn more about each other. We all navigate between traditions we inherit and those we choose or create and this can be a rich dynamic to explore. We find ourselves thinking about order, resolution, sincerity & cleanliness.

Sample discussion questions:

  1. Who or what do you want to remember, celebrate, or focus on this season?
  2. What kind of changes have you seen in how you celebrate or gather this time of year? How have those changes come about?
  3. When do you find yourself leaning into tradition and practices you may have grown up with? When do you find yourself creating new ways to gather or celebrate?
  4. Is there something you miss in your current celebrations? Something you want to add?

 

Theme:

Navigating family interactions when we know a conversation can get heated.

Sample discussion questions:

  1. Which of the virtues might be especially helpful here? We find ourselves thinking about humility, silence, & moderation, and from the list of new virtues: curiosity, gratitude, & compassion.
  2. What are some helpful questions or other expressions of curiosity we can bring with us?
  3. How can we express curiosity even when we disagree?

 

Further resources on this topic:

  •  Silence and listening: Most of us think we are better at listening than we are. In this short essay, Elizabeth Welsh reflects on the virtue of silence, what it means to listen, and how she is learning to “practice the silence that will allow my teens to feel loved and respected”.
  • Awareness of our own reactions: Advice From Elizabeth Gilbert in this video on When Your Family Pushes Your Buttons. “When you feel your back going up and you are bristling, watch it because this is an opportunity to have a real spiritual lesson where it counts… when you feel that ask yourself – what am I being asked to learn here?”

Questions shared by BFC Hosts:

  • The holidays often mean more alcohol consumption. That can have a lot of different impacts. It can mean a decline in our ability to live or act in accordance with the virtues. What might this mean for us as we go into the holiday season? Are there virtues that we’ve already discussed that we want to re-focus on?
  • This can be a particularly vulnerable time of year for some of us. How can our practice of the virtues take that into account?
  • How can really use this as an opportunity to learn about our Circle members by asking each person what it is they need this time of year?